Have you ever asked your children what you taught them about money?

I asked my three children this question recently, and what they shared was funny, honest, and such a lovely reminder of the people they are becoming.

Ryan is my eldest, 33, married, an entrepreneur and a new dad, which still feels quite surreal to say. Josh works in corporate and currently lives in London, far from home but making the most of a wonderful opportunity. Gabi is my youngest and in her third year of engineering at Stellenbosch. She is an artist at heart, and I am excited to see the creative approach she will bring to engineering.

Each of my children is so different: same family, same dinner table, same parents, and somehow completely different humans. What struck me most was that, despite their different personalities, they had absorbed many of the same money lessons.

Save for the future, but live today too

Ryan’s first answer made me laugh.

“You taught me how to spend money.”

Well, I’m very glad he remembers that. I obviously spent a fortune on him. But I did remind him that he forgot to mention I also know how to save. I’ve shared this story before: since my very first pay cheque, I’ve consistently put money away.

So yes, Ryan, spending is part of the story. But saving deserves a little mention too.

Your relationship with money is always changing

Josh said something that I really loved: “One of the biggest lessons you’ve taught me is to be aware of my relationship with money.”

I loved that he remembered this lesson, because our relationship with money is always evolving. We attach emotions to it, tell ourselves stories about it, and those stories influence the decisions we make, often without realising it.

Earning pounds for the first time gave Josh more flexibility and more choices than he had experienced before.

“At first, I really enjoyed watching my bank balance grow. There’s something reassuring about seeing that number get bigger every month.”

But he also discovered the other side of money.

“You’re surrounded by people with great clothes, nice watches, and all sorts of things. I went through a phase of spending money on things because I thought they would make me happy. I quickly realised how short-lived the satisfaction was.”

He also noticed the different relationships his flatmates had with money.

“Some get caught up in buying things, some hold onto money too tightly, and some don’t really think about it at all. Watching them made me realise how much our relationship with money shapes our behaviour.”

His biggest lesson was this:

“Being aware of your relationship with money doesn’t mean you always get it right. It means you’re able to catch yourself when money starts pulling you in a direction that isn’t aligned with what really matters to you.”

Money is a tool, not a goal

Another theme that came through in all three responses was that money has value because of what it makes possible. Ryan said it beautifully:

“Money is a tool, not a goal. While financial success is important, you taught me that enjoying it is the real purpose of money.”

Reflecting on his time in London, Josh agreed:

“The things that have brought me the most happiness have been experiences, time with friends, and being able to do things for people I care about.”

This is where money sits in my children’s lives. Money should give you choices and enable your dreams.

Start small and stay consistent

Gabi reminded me that one of her biggest lessons started with very small amounts of money: piggy banks and loose coins. From a young age, I wanted them to see that saving is not something you do only when you have a lot of money. It is a habit you build.

Aside from the piggy bank, we also invested R1 000 a month for each child from birth. Over the years, they have seen how small, consistent investments can grow. It gave them an empowering lesson in the magic of compound interest and the opportunities disciplined habits create.

Respect money, but don’t let it control you

Perhaps the lesson that came through most strongly was balance.

“Money should be respected, but it shouldn’t be given control.”

Respecting money means planning ahead, understanding your responsibilities, saving for the future, and making thoughtful decisions. But respecting money does not mean obsessing over it or letting money drive every decision.

What children really remember

As parents, we sometimes worry about whether we are saying the right things. But reading my children’s responses reminded me that they were paying attention to far more than the words. They watched how I used money, noticed what I prioritised, and saw whether money created fear, freedom, stress, generosity, or opportunity.

When you are raising children with a partner, your children learn different lessons from each of you and from others they spend time with, too. All these influences shape how they see money.

My final nugget of wisdom: fairness matters

Ryan, Josh and Gabi have different personalities, different needs, different dreams and different life paths. At the end of it all, money must feel fair. That does not always mean equal in every moment, because children need different things at different times. But it does mean being thoughtful so that money does not create resentment between siblings.

Asking my children this question was such a gift. It reminded me that they notice how money shows up in our lives and whether we put it in its proper place.

Perhaps it is a question worth asking your own children. Their answers may surprise you and give you a beautiful glimpse into the lessons they carry with them.