Most experts agree that choosing the executor of your will requires thoughtful consideration. When it comes to conversations about executorship, I often hear clients wanting to appoint their adult children. The reasons vary but are most often a matter of choosing someone you love and trust, as well as saving costs. Having worked with many families through their grief after losing a loved one, I appeal to clients to think about the pros and pitfalls of appointing children in this position.

Firstly, being an executor is a demanding, often complicated role and a job that could easily take several months or longer to complete. It is the executor’s responsibility to carry out the instructions in your will and he or she must often find time-consuming solutions to problems that may arise in the process. Your children may also not be fully qualified to act in this role. It is worth noting that should the assets of an estate be valued at more than R250 000, any layperson appointed as the executor must be assisted by an attorney, Trust Company or practicing accountant in the administration of your estate.

Secondly, and perhaps most importantly, the people you leave behind when you pass away need time to grieve. If your children are tasked with winding up your estate, it can be difficult finding the time to mourn. I have known children who were so busy with all the administrative duties that they never had the time to process the loss – and still struggle with the passing of their parents years later.

Parents often mean well by appointing one of their children as the executor, especially if they are professionally qualified or seem to be responsible. In many families, this may work well but, the third pitfall to consider when appointing a child as the executor is that instead of bringing the family closer together when you’re gone, it may tear them further apart.

Leaving one child to make difficult decisions during the winding up of the estate may make them unpopular with their siblings. I have met siblings who no longer talk to each other because of disputes about the Will. A common area of disagreement is about when and how assets should be valued or dispersed. A client in her 50s came to see me a while ago, wanting to sue her brother for how he managed her parent’s estate. She believed that he falsely valued the business their father left behind and felt unfairly compensated. In cases where executors are sued and found guilty, they can be imprisoned or liable to pay a hefty fine. It is unfortunate when sibling disagreements ruin a previously healthy relationship, and I am sure that this is not the outcome their father had hoped for.

Most situations are likely not as extreme as the one I have mentioned above, but it is worth thinking about the responsibility that you allocate to the child when appointing them as the executor. Should you have more than one child, it is also worth considering what emotions the children not appointed as executor may potentially be feeling. I have come across children feeling ‘less than’ and bullied by the child making the final decisions. I saw this in siblings who were left a holiday house by one of my clients. One child wanted to keep the house while the other wanted it sold as they needed the cash. It resulted in a sibling relationship of bitterness and resentment, and knowing my client, it is not what she intended for them.

I recently met with a couple who decided to appoint their two daughters as joint executors. The daughters are unique and diverse individuals, and they see the world very differently. Their needs are also distinctly unlike . Experience tells me that this will probably result in unnecessary stress and conflict.

No matter the size of your estate, it is important to consider the pros and pitfalls of who you appoint as executor very carefully. Selecting your adult children may well be in your best interest but I urge you to consider the appointment from various perspectives. Whoever you do decide to appoint, ensure that your last gift to your loved ones can be processed as easily as possible by:

• Ensuring that all the relevant documents for the smooth administration of your will are well organised and easy to find – this will save your loved ones the stress of running around finding relevant documentation and will save costs.

• Having these difficult conversations with your family. Allow yourself to talk about your wishes with your loved ones – should there be any differences of opinion among your children, you have time to structure your will in such a way that will minimise family disputes.

It is important to note that each situation is unique, and all families are different. Discuss your wishes with your Retiremeant™ Specialist who will assist you in finding the solution that would work best for you and your family.