When it comes to love and money, the lines often blur. Especially for parents. Especially in midlife. And when one adult child needs more – more time, more money, more support – it’s easy for things to fall out of balance.

After walking away from two marriages with nothing, Lauren rebuilt her life and her money. She now supports her daughter and grandchildren – financially and emotionally – while trying to honour her own dreams and protect her financial future. But that support has come at a cost: to her retirement savings, her career goals, and her relationship with her independent son.

This is a story many women will recognise – the fine line between helping and enabling, between guilt and boundaries, between putting your children first and not losing yourself in the process.

Learning to trust herself with money: starting over, twice

Lauren’s relationship with money began with watching her parents make financial choices that eventually led to the breakdown of their marriage. Although determined to build a different life, Lauren married young – only to find herself repeating similar patterns. At 28, newly divorced and raising two children alone, she had to start again with nothing.

A second marriage, when her children were much older, brought new financial insights but ended the same way. “I poured my time, energy, and finances into that relationship without protecting myself,” she says. “When I finally left, I felt like a bird being set free. I had bought my freedom – even if it cost me everything else.”

Today, Lauren feels more empowered. She’s proud of being able to support her daughter and grandchildren, and she’s done the work to create healthier money habits. But boundaries are still a challenge. She often feels guilty spending on herself – and recognises that she still needs help staying accountable to her own financial goals.

When support comes at a cost

Lauren’s daughter and grandchildren live with her, and Lauren carries most of their financial responsibilities. It’s been this way since her daughter left school. “It’s hard to say no when I see her struggle,” she admits. “She’s an adult and needs to become self-reliant – but it’s not easy to step back.” This long-term support has affected Lauren’s ability to save and invest for retirement. While she wants to be there for her daughter, she’s also aware that her own financial future is under pressure.

The cost of support is not only financial. Lauren also helps with school pickups and drop-offs, often leaving her completely drained – all while dreaming of a career shift that could give her more time and energy for herself.

Two children, two realities

Lauren’s relationship with her independent son is strained – partly due to the unequal time and money Lauren spends supporting his sister. “We’ve had many conversations,” she says. “I understand where he’s coming from, but I also felt I couldn’t turn my back on my daughter when she needed me most.”

Now, Lauren is starting to reframe what fairness looks like for her children and herself. She’s planning more trips to visit her son, making space just for them, and thinking about setting firm limits on financial contributions to her daughter.

Lauren’s reflections and lessons

Lauren has lost everything twice. And what she’s learned is this: no one is coming to rescue you. To her younger self, she would simply say: “Rely on yourself. No one else is responsible for your well-being but you.”

Advice for others navigating the same transition?

• Be unapologetically selfish when it comes to your future.
• Set your emotions aside, enforce boundaries, and make choices that protect your long-term stability – your future self and your children will ultimately benefit from this.

So many of us know the invisible tug-of-war between caring for those we love and honouring ourselves. It’s not easy to say no, especially to our children. But boundaries are not barriers; they are the beginning of balance. You are allowed to prioritise your well-being, your energy, and your future. It’s also how we teach our children to do the same.

Always remember, when it comes to your money, be inspired, be brave and be on purpose,

Kim